I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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