He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So here I am, sexting at work.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
