Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
