you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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