people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
