Kareoke will never be a sober sport
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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