I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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