My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
