My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
