ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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