he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I could make wine with my vomit
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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