im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
