My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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