How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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