Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is it because I queefed?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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