I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
