i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
