Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
