I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
