He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
