my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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