Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
