Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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