I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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