are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
