my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
