I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
