we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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