forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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