he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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