worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
