member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
