I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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