On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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