Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
