My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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