i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
