youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
