I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's blow job season.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
