He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
