who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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