I think I died a long time ago.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
