allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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