There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize