Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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