My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
