fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
