Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
