I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
