Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
