So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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