We need to rekindle our bromance
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
