is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
