haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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