im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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