She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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