I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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