apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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