someone get that fucking seahorse.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
