I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
