Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
