I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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