I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
