Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
