is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize