Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
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he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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