We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
