are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
