half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
